


all the things I would change (if we could only rewind)

by orphan_account



Category: The Maze Runner (2014)
Genre: Angst, Gen, I Tried, M/M, Multi, Self-Destruction, depressed!thomas, minewt are asses, teresa just wanted to see her brother i cry, this is sad im bad at writing sad fics, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 12:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3936892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>thomas is dead, minho and newt were bad friends and they just want thomas back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all the things I would change (if we could only rewind)

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning
> 
> i think

 

it's been a lifetime. thomas almost couldn't remember the last time they spoke. Almost. On the contrary, he remembers it all too clearly. its too much.

 

they used to talk every loving second of the day, 24/7. thomas doesn't think he'd even have a life without those blokes. they used to do everything together.

thomas' first thought every morning went from "i wonder what kind of stupid thing they'd suggest we do today.." to "wonder if they'd remember i exist today"

he cringed at how pathetic that sounds in his head.

he held a blade in his hand as he sat on his bathroom floor, pressing the cold metal against his wrist as deep as he could manage without passing out. thomas squeezed his eyes shut in pain, he couldn't get enough air in his lungs. he opened his eyes once again only to press the razor blade deeply onto his bleeding skin again. shivering, he thought, this is going to be messy.

 

thomas turned the volume of his headphones up, in attempt to block every horrible thought popping in his head but not even music couldn't save him from these thoughts now. he kept slitting the blade through his skin until he felt light headed. he couldn't breathe. everything was just... painful.

thomas stared at the pools of blood on his bathroom floor. everything was basically bleeding by now. he wonders who would find his dead body, which would probably rot before anyone even did find it because he lived alone and never gets visits from anyone anymore. would they go to my funeral? would i even have a funeral? why didn't they want to save me? who would even want to save me? does anyone even remember i exist?   
and for the first time ever, the thoughts didn't bother him, it didn't matter now and honestly, it was good to have them right now. the thoughts helped him believe that he deserved this even more. he did.

 

thomas thought of how newt and minho would react if they found out. whatever. he doesn't care.  
he didn't even bother writing a note for whoever it was who'd find him. that poor person, he thought. what was the point.of a suicide note anyway if the words written sounded as cold as his lifeless body would be after a few hours? how can you explain that your life is just so horrible that you don't even want to see the sun shine anymore? he cant do that. what was there to explain anyway? so thomas settled for nothing. he didn't leave anything at all. he couldn't be bothered to write a note now that hes so caught up in wanting to kill himself already.  
he couldn't do it anymore. thomas' breath hitched as he took one last ounce of breath and felt the familiar sting of metal slashing through his skin as thomas slid the blade right through a vein on his wrist. he finally did it.  
oh well.

 

 

 

 

* * *

it was teresa who found thomas' lifeless body laying on the cold bloody bathroom floor after a few hours of him doing it. it looked like a scene from a horror movie. poor teresa just wanted to see if his brother was doing okay but ended up seeing his dead body.

teresa rang thomas' doorbell, its been years since she last saw him since she moved to chicago and she was excited as fuck to see his favorite —and only— brother again. she was practically jumping.up and down, holding a bag of tom's favorite chocolates so when she rang the doorbell and called thomas' name a few times and no one answered, she thought he was just taking a shower or out buying something from the supermarket so she went right in. unusually, the door was unlocked, and now she kept getting this feeling in her gut that something bad was going to happen (more like happened.) she walked around the apartment calling thomas' name, hoping he would answer. a few minutes later she was in front of the bathroom door, which was slightly ajar, the light was on so she figured he was inside as she breathed a sigh of relief. 'i kept calling your name, tom, are you deaf or so-' teresa opened the door completely, taken aback by the sight in front of her—

thomas was lying lifelessly on the floor surrounded by pools of blood and covered in dried ones. teresa was shaking as she collapsed to the floor, she couldn't bring herself to look anymore, it was too painful to look. her only brother, gone. if only she'd been there earlier, she would've saved his life. she could've helped him. she cant believe thomas died thinking so little of himself and that he was alone in the world when she was literally hours away from visiting him. she wished she'd been there, she wished it wasn't too late. she wished she wasn't talking about him past tense. she sobbed as she fumbled with her phone and attempted to dial 911 before she could pass out.

 

* * *

 

 

the day newt and minho found out was the most miserable day ever. they were too busy enjoying their lives that they've forgotten about thomas. they were supposed to be a trio. they couldn't be a trio without thomas, could they? so when they got an urgent text from teresa along with the address of the hospital thomas was in in the middle of the night, they immediately jolted up from their beds and and went straight to the hospital in their pajamas.

too late. why does everything have to be too late? this day has been nothing but a total nightmare and they were so ready for thomas to wake them.up and snap them out.of it. but no, they couldn't save thomas now. hes been out cold for hours, everyone knew it was impossible and that itd take a miracle for him to come back. even if he was given a choice to.come back, he couldn't. he wouldn't.

 

thomas died thinking no one would care if he did. too bad he didn't see how teresa had to get professional help to get the image of her brother bleeding to death on her head. he didn't live long enough to see how minho almost had to get newt into an asylum. he didnt see how minho spent the rest of his life blaming and crying himself to sleep. he didn't see how all his family felt was grief and guilt. they all missed thomas. they all wished he'd come back even though they knew deep in their hearts that he never will. they all thought this was their their fault. but everyone knew they had to move on. that life moves on even without thomas, no matter how unfair they thought it was. the earth should've stopped rotating. the sun should've fallen down from the sky. thomas wouldn't want that. so they moved on even though it was hard as fuck. they tried.

 

* * *

 

 

newt & minho visit his grave a lot, remembering all the good times they had before and bawling their eyes out until they felt numb 'shuck drama queens', thomas would say  
the pair sat on the grass in front of their dead friend's grave feeling nothing but grief  
"its been months, tommy. how could we go on without you?", thomas would've said 'you've gone on without me before how hard could it be?'  
"newt, you pessimistic slinthead, we'll recover. it's going to be okay, although i admit it would be hard, but we'll be okay." but minho didn't believe himself. they were far from being okay. they'd move on but that doesn't mean the grief and guilt would leave them at all. they'd carry it forever.  
they sat helplessly, hoping thomas would somehow come back, that they could start all over again and not have any of this happen. but no, thomas was just gone.

 

newt should've been there. he shouldn't have let his pride get the best of him. its his fault. maybe if he wasn't so stubborn, thomas would be alive, healthy and happy. life should've treated thomas better. they should've treated thomas better. they shouldn't have let a stupid fight go between them. where did it go wrong? he wished he could rewind things, wished he'd let thomas know he cared. he wished he had the chance to make him feel like he wasn't alone. he wished thomas didn't die thinking friendship, love and all that crap couldn't save anyone, let alone last forever. but wishes hardly ever come true, now do they? whatever. it's too late. he just wanted him back.

 

minho wishes he could erase the seemingly indelible ink stamped on his heart. all he could feel now was soul sucking agony, and anger towards everything. it should've rained, thunder should've roared, flowers—daisies in particular (which were thomas' favorite)— should've withered, but none of those happened. he wanted to believe in miracles, he wanted to believe this was nothing but a horrible nightmare and that he's just waiting for himself to wake up any second now but it's been months and the indelible ink had been there forever and the black hole in his heart kept taunting him, telling him things he already knew, making his life even more miserable. he let thomas feel left out and alone when he knew thomas had never felt okay in his life, that they were his only friends, the only reason he kept holding on to false hope. they let him down. they were the one who let go of thomas. if anyone should die it should be them, not thomas. thomas deserved better friends. thomas deserved a better life. thomas deserved better.

**Author's Note:**

> this is bad. oops, sorry.
> 
> i wrote this while the internet was down and i was just feeling pretty sick i guess


End file.
